Ice and lemon in your snake oil?

After diagnosis time seems to slow. Oh, the waiting! Some bits happen quite fast, but even a week can seem like an absolute eternity when you KNOW. Well, it did for me. I wanted to do something, help make it all get better faster. But..what can you do?

Disclaimer: I’m not saying ANY of the following things help. I’m not getting paid by anyone,  or getting any freebies. Damn it.

My first ‘thing’ was to buy cannabis oil. I heard about it from a friend, because it had cured her friend’s dogs cancer when the vets had tried everything ‘normal’. She spent a long time explaining that she wasn’t comparing me to a Staffy. Not even a very cute Staffy who is now healthy again. Where to get it though? I didn’t keep in touch with that bloke from school, and he doesn’t seem to be on Facebook. It turns out you can buy  it online, it’s legal if the whizzy stuff has been taken out. Who knew? It tastes disgusting. My gums haven’t bled since I started taking it though, so my dentist is happy. Which makes me happy as he’s stopped trying to sell me mouthwash that’s more expensive than a bottle of artisan gin.

Then the cans of deodorant went, because they’ve got bad stuff in them (so I’m told), but none of us want to stink. Another revelation, the alternatives work. Like with the regular stuff in cans, you just have to experiment until you find one you like.

Queasy drops. These arrived daily from friends everywhere. I was sceptical. Something that looks like Spangles (can you still buy Spangles?) will stop the stomach churn? Yeah, right. Well they did, and I’ve barely touched the proper anti-sickness meds I was given. I don’t like the green tea and lemon ones though, I hate green tea. If you like them let me know, I’ll send you them all.

Juices. And the powerful juicer required to mash the crap out of kale. You have to have kale, it’s the new wonder green. I strongly suspect it has no magical powers, but there’s a big kale swamp somewhere which a clever marketer has shares in. Fling kale, beetroot juice and a heap of other stuff in the juicer and feel smug that you’ve got the day off to a healthy start. Again, this generally tastes gross. My wonderful local running shop saved the day by giving me a bottle of Cherryactive to kill the kale taste. If it works for people who can run 26.2 miles in a stupidly fast time, I’m in.

Charcoal toothpaste, you all need to try this. For no other reason than you’ll be horrified at how much further than your sink the spit goes. That white toothpaste hides the splatter.

Olive leaf, used by a triathlete I know to keep her bug free as she spends so much time swallowing river water.

And a whole heap of other things. No idea if any of them will help, but they won’t hurt and didn’t break the bank. So, if it keeps my head in a better place, that’s a good thing. It’s something to do whilst you wait.

I stopped short of onions placed all over the house. The dogs would eat them and then puke, and that’s not helping anyone. Also, I’m not sure I want to live in a house that smells of onions. I prefer a nice diffuser with something flowery in it.

I’m sticking with my regular snake oil too. Red wine is full of those anti-oxidant things. Guinness is good for you, not sure why but I’m taking them at their word, and gin and tonic, well the tonic has…quinine in it doesn’t it? I have no idea what quinine does but they got quite excited about it in an episode of Tenko. If you find that you’ve run out of ice I can recommend frozen blueberries instead, not peas. Frozen peas are for when you pull a muscle, and you slap the bag on the sore bit, not put them in your gin.

Try the charcoal toothpaste though, and recoil in horror.

Right, eldest son needs supplies for school tomorrow so I have to go shopping. I need a protractor, black pens, and bottles of gin and tonic. The last two are not for him. You knew that, right?IMG_5676


5 Replies to “Ice and lemon in your snake oil?”

  1. Another brilliant piece of writing and enlightening – I didn’t even know some of this stuff existed !! Charcoal paste really doesn’t sound appealing I must say !! Big hugs xx

    Sent from my iPhone


    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel bad that I’m enjoying all your blogs, because you’re only writing them because you have cancer! Looking forward to your book youre going to write once this is all over. Then I don’t have to feel like a bad person!!
    Keep fighting. Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

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